My ex is also my flatmate. This was a decision I made based on hope (that we might get back together) and sloth (who wants to go through the trouble of getting a new flatmate?) On some level we aren’t compatible. I remember reading once that every relationship has an unspoken demand. I think his demand was “Fix me” , I think mine was “love me as I am”. Neither of us had our demands met.
OKCupid had an interesting blog article about questions you could ask that would indicate if there is any long term compatibility, in a statistical sense that is. I sometimes wonder if I should ask my ex these questions. What if we agreed? Would it change anything? No, not for me.
My ex has become depressed and toxic to be around. It’s irritating and depressing to be around. I don’t care for his welfare, not anymore. I used to think I still loved him, but it wasn’t love, it was compassion. I felt sorry for him. Sorry that he was dead inside, sorry that his job is meaningless, sorry that, despite his extensive gym routine, that he’s never been uglier.
If you love someone, set them free. I don’t love him, I don’t even like him. His continued presence isn’t because I’m sentimental, it’s because inertia is a real force in our universe.
Why does he stay? For him it’s easy I suppose, or maybe because we’ll need to sort out who gets the very large plasma TV. The rent is also cheap, so there’s that. In my wanderings across the Internet I read an article that advised compassion when dealing with toxic people, starting with yourself. As soon as my money situation is sorted out, I plan to do that, by asking my ex to move out.